I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
