come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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