i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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