I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
