I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
