I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize