you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
