I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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