Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
