drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
