Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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