Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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