So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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