i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
