I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
