Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
