I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
