think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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