Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
