Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
