you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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