Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
