Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
