It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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