she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am naked and annoyed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
