If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
