I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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