i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Everyone says I win the strip club
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
