fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
