I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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