I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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