Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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