sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
