First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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