he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
