I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
