OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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