I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
