I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
