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I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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