No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
