Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
