I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
