Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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