I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
