I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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