Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
