We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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