I'm jealous of your bromance
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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