plz talk dirty to me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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