Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
