I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My penis needs a shock collar
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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