I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize