I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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