I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
