who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
