i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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