I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
