she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
