i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
