I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
