dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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