Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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