That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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