Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
