I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
