This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
