So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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