I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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