apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
