I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
