K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
