Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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