Barsexuality is the new black.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
