You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
